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st unbelieving of you； that never； never did I love you better； all my beloved ones； than when I left you—than in that day； and that moment。
…
… My dearest； dearest Arabel！ Understand both of you； that if； from the apparent necessities of the instant； I consented to let the ceremony precede the departure by some few days； it was upon the condition of not seeing him again in that house and till we went away。
We parted； as we met； at the door of Marylebone Church—he helped me at the munion table； and not a word passed after。 I looked like death； he has said since。 You see we were afraid of a sudden removal preventing everything… or at least； laying the unpleasantness on me of a journey to London previous to the ceremony； which particularly I should have hated； for very obvious reasons。 There was no elopement in the case； but simply a private marriage； and to have given the least occasion to a certain class of observations； was repugnant to both of us… Wilson knew nothing till the night before。 What I suffered under your eyes； you may guess—it was in proportion to every effort successfully made to disguise the suffering。 Painful it
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